Definitions of "boy talk"...

So today Bryanna turned 12! I don't feel old... I feel OLD! Ugh! As with any new birthday, comes a different personality. Being older means looking back at past ages and referring to them as "when I was a kid". I figure, when I am referring to being 34... I am going to use that line! It's great that around these ages no presents need to be bought. Money is the new "want". I don't mind, less brain damage for me, and she won't have to smile and pretend to like it. As we creep closer to being a teenager, I find myself in a bit of a panic. I was hoping she would start to go through her "ugly" stage. Ha ha! Okay, that sounded worse written down than it did in my head. I don't want her to be ugly, but who am I kidding.... I would love for her to not be noticed by boys until her grey hair starts to come in. Even though we can't keep our kids young forever, we can give them a little advice. For example... IF a boy asks you to "go out"... he is really saying, you need a mint because your breathe smells really bad. IF a boy says you are pretty... he is really saying, I think you are ugly, but your friend is adorable. IF a boy asks for your phone number... he is really saying, give it to me so I can pass it out to a hundred of my friends and crank call you. IF a boy wants to sit with you at lunch... he is really asking for your dessert and then will spread rumors that you "heart him". So... with this quick lesson I ask that you all learn these so as not to ruin my little plan.