A blender full of thoughts

When life hands you a lemon, you chuck at as hard as you can at the next person that comes along. All of life's little challenges seem to come all at once. It's only mean to laugh at others if they hear you! So what can you do... smile knowing that today will be the day of surprise! Surprises like when you find a lizzard in a box in Laurens room. Or surprises like when you find a bag of cookies in Rylies drawer. Or maybe the days surprise is that Bryanna has finally sucked her teeth so hard at me, she swallows one. Hmmm. Sometimes my brain feels like oatmeal. Warm mushy oatmeal!!! It's hard to stay focused these days. Summer brings a new shade of chaos and the new surprises life offers is bordering on panic attack. Today's blog is about thoughts. Hmm. My thoughts, well.... let's see.... with oatmeal for a brain right now, the only thoughts I have are milk and sugar. Hmmm.

A New Tid bit...

Everyday is a different day in my house. We make most things fun and try to be fair to all. Sometimes this isn’t possible. For those times, you try to figure out which child will scream and yell the least and break the bad news to them. You might start to see why my way of thinking is confusing. My universe is confusing. I rely on my “grown-up” friends to keep me sane enough to pass for an adult. As hard as I try to get my children to act more like me, I start seeing that I am acting more like them, and how did they get like that in the first place?

Rylie's Beauty School

There are so many moments you remember in your children's lives. Aside from the obvious births, talking and walking, I remember other things. I remember the first time Bryanna ate Ice Cream or when she tried to flush 2 chicken drumsticks down the toilet. I remember Lauren's attachment to those little dancing hamsters that would sing and dance me right into a migraine. Or the time Lauren was listening to music on the headphones….Bryanna's headphones. Bryanna was so mad she turned up the volume as high as it would go prompting Lauren to jump up and scream, "BRYANNA! YOU ALMOST BLEW MY BRAINS RIGHT OUT MY BUTT"! I can still see Rylie throwing Lauren's shoes in the garbage because they were left on the living room floor. That was actually a proud moment for me that one of the girls had really listened to me about leaving things on the floor. Then the proud moment turned into 2 hours of searching for my keys before realizing they fell on the floor as I was bringing in groceries and Rylie took matters into her own hands. Sometimes the lessons you teach come back and bite you right in the ass!So… within these cute little laughable memories, that are really only funny much long after they have happened, I remember the day Bryanna cut her hair. And the day Lauren cut her hair. And now…. The day Rylie cut her hair, both times. Rylie has this beautiful long blondish hair that is/was all one length. It was Wednesday morning about 7am. The girls were in their usual morning moods. In my house, it's an hour of whining and complaining and fighting for brushes, hair spray, toothpaste and mirror time. I had just set Rylie's clothes out and walked into the bathroom. I heard Bryanna say, "Rylie? When did you get bangs"? It didn't faze me. I didn't flinch. I yelled from the other room in what I imagine was the third to last chipper statement, question or calm words of the morning, "she just woke up, she doesn't have bangs, her hair is messy". A few moments later, I called out to Rylie to come in the bathroom so I could do her hair. I hear this sweet little voice say, "no thank you". Ummmm. Huh? Now... the tone of her voice should have made me drop everything and run outside to see if, in fact, the world was coming to an end. I said it with a little bit more oomph, but still not raising my voice, "Rylie… come in the bathroom so I can fix your hair". And again, in such a soft (not normal), so sweet (kinda creepy) voice I hear…"no thank you mommy I will do my own hair". At that point, I still had not put Bryanna's prior question into play. I figured Rylie was being more difficult than most mornings just without the yelling and screaming. I didn't say anything, just walked into the room where I found her with her head buried in the pillow and her butt sticking up like a stinkbug. I took her hand and got her up and much to my surprise…."RYLIE!!! WHAT DID YOU DO???????" My shoulders dropped. I let out a sigh and then let out a rapid fire of questions that had no punctuations other than a thousand exclamation points at the end. OH MY GOD RYLIE YOU CUT YOU HAIR WHEN DID YOU CUT YOUR HAIR WHY DID YOU CUT YOUR HAIR WHERE DID YOU GET SCISSORS WHERE IS THE HAIR DID YOU DO THAT LAST NIGHT?!!!!! I was out of breathe and shook my head as I awaited an answer to at least ONE of the many questions. I sat her down and assessed the damage. I'm repeating over and over all of the questions when I realize. Hmmmmm. She did a REALLY good job! She even put a part on the top of her head. It's even. The cut is straight. No stray hair. CRAP!!! She did better than I would have done. Sometimes you try to pull the good out of a bad situation. How can I redeem myself from this lesson? She did a good job. She looks freakin' adorable with bangs!! She made sure she cleaned the mess when she was done. I had to do the whole, "scissors are for cutting paper not hair… blah blah blah…So for now, I'm not sure what memory vault to file this one in. After being through it twice already, I think my action was pretty good. With Bryanna I cried. With Lauren I freaked. With Rylie, well, I am taking appointments! Enjoy your day!

Writer's Block of Melting Ice...

I have written this entry 10 times already. I have writers block! AGAIN! I never really run out of material, I just haven't started writing in "real time" yet. When I write, I think about things past. I love looking back and remembering a funny little story that will bring a smile to any one's face. I think it is because some of the funny things of yesterday aren't quite that funny until a little bit of time has gone by. Lauren is desperately trying to make the 'cut' for tonight's entry. She has brought up so many topics I think my writers block is really overload. I find this particularly funny because she is the one who is always telling me to change her name in my stories. Well, maybe she only says that when she is mad. Who knows! I have all these thoughts in my head that are cram packed in there. I just don't know what to do with them. I have these clusters of drafts hanging in my files filled with all these great stories. I love that I have some "me" time. It's rare. It's unheard of. It just doesn't happen in my house. I run around to games and concerts and productions and field trips and on and on and on. I am always doing something. Although when I do have a little me time, I usually need noise and chaos to feel right. I can't be in the quiet too much. It just doesn't work for me. After about the 1st hour I am bored out of my mind! Ugh! I can't focus on the chores I wanted to do or the shopping in complete bliss without children or a list... I don't do lists!! I find myself out somewhere looking for the girls. Thinking that I lost them. Rylie stayed at her grandmas the other day and I went out of my mind a couple of times because i couldn't find her. I started to panic a little.... just a little though, when I realized THAT CHILD ISN'T HERE!!!And then about 3 minutes after the girls get home, I remembered why I needed the me time in the first place and I wish them away... just kidding. they always come back! shheeesh!

A RE-POST: The meanest mom EVER!!

I love that my girls say what is on their mind. They are much like me when it comes to telling it like it is. If you haven't read any of my Notes, blogs, whatever they are being called... you might not understand that I see humor in everyday life. I encourage my girls to tell me how they feel. I would love to say it is because I am the kind of Mother that finds self expression to be a "release" if you will. I would love to say it's because the Psychodoctormabobs say it is good for them to feel like they have a voice. I would love to say it.... I can't... I encourage them because I understand how freakin' funny it is to listen to an 8 year old and 5 year old tell me "like it is". And seriously.... I am ALWAYS looking for good material for the blog. Lauren, as usual, was questioning why I wouldn't let them do something. The "something" was insignificant to me, but obviously, important to her. After several "No's" and the stock answer of, "I'm sorry my reason isn't good enough for you" schpeeeillll, she gave me the, ' I cannot believe you' eyebrow raise and pushed her glasses up. She looked me square in the eyes and said, "I'm gonna have to check on this..... but I am pretty sure you are the MEANEST mom EVER"!
I cannot say for sure what her "checking" uncovered. I am waiting for the results as we speak! Wish me luck.

Too many pictures of child #1... and Rylie STILL gets the shaft!

Writers block is clouding my mind! Ahhhh! Today was another "run me into the ground" kind of day. The last week of school means many-many parties, farewells, making of gifts and cards and on and on..... times 3!!!!!

I'm a beat down Momma! I started remembering when the girls all started school and how I have changed in my routine.

With Bryanna I would search her backpack after school. Take out all the trash and graded papers and read EVERY notice that came home. With Lauren, I would tell her to clean out her backpack, remind her to put her papers away, and ask her if there were any notices for me. With Rylie, well, Rylie has a backpack full of snack wrappers, graded papers, school notices and some of her sisters valuables too. Now I find out the day before the event or the day of. Ugh!

It all started when we found 25, 563 pictures of Bryanna. Then we looked for Laurens and found 427 pictures of her. Rylie has only 3 pictures and one of them was given to me by another parent! Okay, I exaggerated a bit... Lauren did NOT have that many. My point is this.... as we add more pairs of dirty little feet to the craziness that we call "life", we tend to loosen up a bit on the "Psycho Mom that does everything perfect" role. We no longer call our kids sweetie and honey in the grocery store when they are acting like little animals. We smile, get down to their level and threaten to sell their toys if they don't behave!! My girls love to be independent. Personally I love it too! I don't so much care that my 5 year old would like to wear her dress shoes to the softball game because they are "pretty". I allow them to dress themselves even if they don't match. And if my girls want to go out with bedhead, well really... who is going to care?When Bryanna was little, she never made it out of the house without her hair combed so tight she could barely blink. Lauren's hair was cut short for minimum up-do... Rylie, well..we all know Rylie gets the shaft! Just Kidding! I do her hair. I guess there are some thing that we still do the same. So the routines haven't completely gone out the window I guess.
So today's post I guess is just a little of everything in my bowl of 'chaos soup'. I'd give you a spoon, but the girls keep taking them out to the garden and losing them. I expect one day someone is going to dig up the backyard for some reason and find 100 spoons deep in the ground. Ha! Hopefully they like soup.
Huh, imagine that... the block is gone. Hmmm. Good deal!

How about Lip gloss glue??

Why would it be cruel to change the label of a glue-stick to make it look like lip gloss? I think that would be funny! Personally, I think someone is missing the boat here. I wrote a while back about shhh tape, but lately... glue is on the wish list. I found that if you give the kids good ole fashioned caramel blocks it takes them a while to chew it. Instant quiet for a few minutes. The dentist didn't think that was very funny, but seriously, don't we have to keep him in business somehow? So I am always coming up with new ways to discipline in a fun and humorous way. Okay, who am I kidding... fun and humorous for ME!!! Yes... I know.... out of the ordinary, but I really did think it was a crack up when Bryanna and Lauren would not stop arguing, so I tied a jump rope around their waists and made them be stuck together for 2 hours. Lauren was mortified at the thought of having to go to the bathroom together. For the first 15 minutes they fought it. Trying to go opposite ways and falling several times. The getting up part was the funniest ever! When they figure out how to walk, you would see Bryanna dragging Lauren walking backwards around the house. Lauren sat on Bryanna's lap to watch a TV program and they both avoided the dreaded bathroom visit. They even managed to squeeze on one dining room chair and eat dinner too. By the time the 2 hours was over, they were working together and laughing allot. Poor little Rylie thought it looked fun so she tried to pick a fight with girls so she could be tied to someone. I finally wrapped Daddy's belt around her and a doll. (((sigh))) it just wasn't the same. I do things differently. If ever there is an opportunity to laugh, laugh, laugh, well then I want to be in the middle of it! A silly house makes for silly girls and silly girls makes a fun life!!!

The characters in my stories...

I found this entry sitting in my drafts. I kept meaning to post it, and well... it never got done. I wrote it to introduce the girls before I started writing mean and horrifying stories about them. Well, here we are 2 weeks worth of entries later and I am just getting around to it. So, even though they have written their first blog entry for me, I wanted to post this so you can get an even better idea of who you are reading about. And just in case you find in here somethng I may have already written, my apologies in advance. Enjoy!

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A little bit about the family.
Bryanna is our oldest. At 11, she has perfected the eye roll, the teeth sucking and slamming of doors while stomping. Quite the little multi-tasker she is!
Lauren is my 8 year old smarty pants. She questions, prods, researches and eventually argues her way to being right. If she doesn't get her way, she also stomps and slams doors, however... she also screams. Very loudly I might add.
Rylie is the angelic looking 5 year old terror we fondly refer to as Hurricane Rylie Cat 5. She is sneaky and mean and has everyone fooled with her long blond hair and sky blue eyes. It doesn't hurt that she has her two front teeth missing and is adorable when she smiles. Watch you back with this one!

I tell the girls my goal in life and my purpose for being here is to embarrass them as much as possible and have a whole lot of fun in the process. So far so good. No one has lost an eye or actually been sold to the circus, although I threaten it at least once a day.

The girls think I am doing this BLOG as a form of punishment. Really?? Geez, thank you! That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. (sniff-sniff)
Okay, so now you know a little about the characters in my stories. I hope that you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them. The girls wanted me to add a notation to this. They are strongly against this form of embarrassment. They would like me to change their names. I just don't have the heart to tell them no, so we just won't tell them! Shhhh.

We don't pay for noise!!!

What is it about birthdays and holidays that make the grandparents buy the loudest toys ever? Why revenge of course! Why is it that I was never allowed to have toys that made noise, but all of a sudden ... my kids have drums, guitars, recorders, dolls that talk and then become very creepy when the batteries start to die. Please don't buy my kids noise! Ugh... noise is free at my house. And then... to top it all off.... Playdough?? Huh?? I was soooo not allowed to play with Playdough! You bought Playdough for the kids you didn't like so much, and wrapped it with cowbell too! I like to pretend I know so much more about parenting after 3 kids. I don't. I have made peace with my Mother hoping she would take the curse of 'maniac children' off of me. Nope! Still there! You don't see enough what I like to call "normal" lives of kids. There isn't enough Super Nannies in the world to go around and tame our wild little children. Why must I have to hear, "DON'T TOUCH ME"! a thousand times a day? Is it necessary to believe that if you don't sit where you want to, life would be different? It is all of these wonderful imperfections that make life great! Why must I laugh at the life I live? Because it's mine. And it is probably yours too! You are as normal as I am. And let me tell you one day my girls will say to me... "Mom, please don't buy the kids noise... it is free at our house".

A Message from the girls!...I wasn't allowed to read these until i promised to post as is!

Hi my name is Bryanna. I think you all know by now that I’m in my mom’s blogs!! I am the oldest of all of the BRATZ and guess what I’m NOT the worst. That’s my lil’ sis Rylie!!! Who is right now asleep when we’re supposed to be getting ready for school! WOW Rylie!!! Let me tell you a little bit about my mom since my mom talks about us!!!!! In the mornings my mom dances to HEAVY METAL(WOW mom) and Demi Lavato! She talks in different voices and makes us laugh! I love it when she does that.! When we don’t wake up in the morning she sings Opera making up her own words!!!!!! I also forgot to tell you she dances to the beat of her own drum(how Lame mom.) That’s only a little slab of our family your going to have to read my mommy’s blogs to find out MORE!!!!!!!!!! Bye


Hi I’m Lauren. Mom talks about me in her blogs. Don’t worry she is not typing for me. I am eight years old. I always tell mom to put her indentation when she is writing. She never listens to me like always. Why do you think our life is so fun and crazy?! I know why. We argue, yell, fight, and scream. But we also play with each other and laugh a lot mostly at each other. I love my mom. I have muscley (I think that’s how you spell it)legs like my mommy. And I laugh just like her too.


I am Rylie. I am 5 im not a brat

LOST and FOUND ? Rylie took it!!!

The word complicated will change meanings many times over the course of my girls’ lives. I think I may be overusing it as we go along. I had hoped, maybe expected that life might get easier as the girls got older. Unfortunately, the way life is around here, it just got louder. Rylie has had hours and hours of fun hiding things from the girls. Shoes… backpacks… homework… permission slips… toilet paper. She finds it rather amusing to watch the girls go into major meltdown mode when they are looking for something they set down for 2 seconds. At first, she would laugh and laugh and giggle while standing right next to whatever she was hiding. What a rookie! Now… she is all business baby! She has the best poker face I have EVER seen. She even helps them look for whatever it is they have lost. After about 10 or 15 minutes, she will suggest to the owner of said lost item that they put up a “reward” if found. In under 2 minutes (very well timed I must say) she proudly presents the lost whatever it is and collects what the girls have put on their “LOST! REWARD!“ sign. After handfuls of candy, hard earned allowance and half of their desserts, they finally figured it out. They now to go right to the source and start the negotiations on what we like to call “ransom“. Reading about my craziness might seem funny to you. I think its hilarious! My well behaved daughters (on strike) feel differently. I knew that I had to be careful when attempting to write while they were around. Bryanna no longer thinks what I am doing is cool. She now thinks I am doing this to ruin her life. Poor Bryanna… its always about her. What about her sisters? I am trying to ruin their lives too.

My tWiStEd inspiration

We are on a whole new level of insanity now. I try to go through my thoughts and really pick out the things that inspire me. Chaos, as you know, is a word that fits very well in my well rounded, kind of square with a triangle point family. I catch the girls looking over their shoulders after running into a sliding glass door, or coming near me to tell me a joke that really isn’t funny to me, but makes the other two fall to the floor and giggle till they pee. They don’t know that it’s all of those things that cause them to get mad, angry and cry are the stories that will undoubtedly make it into my blogs. I know, I know… you think I am mean. I’m not. I do in fact come to their rescue when they are ‘really hurt’. I recognize that they get their egos bruised and their self esteem is fragile. I am a mother, but not Theresa. I love that my kids jump up off the ground and look to see if I am standing there after tripping on their feet. I think its great that they make up cool games with me and play hide n go seek in the dark with flashlights. I happen to think its adorable when my 5 year old gets frustrated, rolls her little blue eyes and grunts, “Can’t I ever catch a break already”? These are the things that make my life crazy… insane… chaotic… fun… humorous and all together fit for some reality TV show! Bryanna’s new thing is telling me I am not allowed to use her in my stories. Ha! I own you till you’re 18 baby!!!

Happy Mother's Day

A special entry for all the Mother's and Mother figures. Hoping your day was filled with love and laughter and wonderful memories.

A new post is coming soon.

Valeri

A Mother's Day Story to bring you back to the beginning of insanity!

So, we get to that ever important last month and you are at the point of busting at the seams, your feet are so swollen you keep rolling from side to side when you walk. For some reason your toes are making you hungry, possible because they look like fat little juicy sausages.
You can’t cough or sneeze for fear of peeing everywhere, AGAIN!
You are right about ready to throw the phone through the window because if one more person calls to ask how you are feeling or if you are any “closer”, you are sure to rip their face off.
You wonder if your husband purposely swapped your full-length mirror with that of a “fun mirror” you see at the carnivals just to get back at you for making him travel 50 miles out of his way for the last 9 months to curb your cravings.
You face is swollen and blotchy, your nose won’t stop expanding and your head begins to look like a child used you as Mrs. Potato Head.
You will soon have a new reality. My husband was truly wonderful through the whole thing, but seriously, he didn’t have this “miracle” growing inside him. I think when we are pregnant, we feel obligated and almost guilted into saying we “love” this part of it. The overall feeling of pregnancy itself is a wonderful feeling, but it wasn’t like that the entire time. Who are we really kidding when we rave about having all of your organs squished together to make room for your “little tenant”? And then the end is near. All those doctor appointments, the ‘checking for dilation’, the hemorrhoids (thank goodness I never got those), the pressure, the pain, the sleeplessness, the backaches… and its time. Excuse me, but I do believe this is where I start the moaning and groaning of child birth itself and the amount of time it took to push and push and PUSH! Right down to the very minute that I had broke every vessel in my face as my husband looked on, still not breaking a sweat, telling me I am doing great. Just then the doctor took that child from my body and handed her to my husband. Uggggghhhhhh - Idiots!

Rylie is getting the SHAFT in these BLOGS!!

It isn’t that I strive for my life to be so packed with “crazy” it just so happens that’s the way of MY world. Each girl is so very different in so many wonderful, eye -gouging ways. I think back to when I was their age and well… frankly, I am terrified. Every stage of their lives is a struggle, a battle, a war. Just when you think you know enough to get by, a birthday comes along and wipes out everything you thought you knew about that particular age. Every new age brings with it a new personality. I don’t understand the mind of a 5 year old. You can get down to their level and try and explain to them that they cannot write their name on the wall. You are supposed to be “positive” in speaking to them and explain that it’s “wrong”. And what a “more positive” behavior would be. And how do their actions make others “feel“? (((Insert gagging sounds here )))) THEY DON’T GET IT!!! This is my 3rd time with the 5 year old stage. It seems to get more challenging with each kid. They learn new tricks from the older ones so now the 5 year old, Rylie, is fine tuning her sneaky little ways. And doing a very good job at it I might add. Rylie sees nothing wrong with her future dream of becoming a Tagger. Her name is on the walls, the TV, every book the girls own and even on my car. Don’t ever use the old saying, “it doesn’t have your name on it”, because in about 1 minute…. IT WILL! One time she even tried blaming the graffiti on Bryanna. After all, it was on Bryanna’s wall in her room. The girls own hundreds of Washable Markers. Do you think that she uses those to ‘tag’? Nooooooo! It has to be the Sharpie Marker that you hide from pretty much just yourself, because the kids always find them before you remember where you put it. Ugggghhh. Each night I find 3 new gray hairs. Hmmm coincidence? I don’t think so.

The conclusion of the Rylie Story!!!!

So, I told you the toilet seat story and neglected to mention that she (Rylie) ran into the dining room, caged herself under the table, and giggled until the moment she was physically removed by me, holding onto her calves, while her fingers are tightly around the legs of the chair, her body wiggling around in mid air. I was finally able to get her on her little feet and in one of the most difficult, forced, unsympathetic apologies I have ever heard, she uttered the word…. “SORRY”!!!Well, that was special!

Yet another Rylie story

Kids at this age are funny. Not funny HA-HA, funny like, OH MY GOSH, if you whine one more time I will sell you to the circus - funny. (I guess that might only be funny to her little sisters and me) When it comes to Bryanna, she always manages to make me chuckle at things I probably shouldn’t be chuckling at. Her and Lauren had gone to the carnival with Grandma and Papa. When they got back, Bryanna was not feeling good and her face had a green tint to it. She had been tossed and turned on the rides and she was about to lose it on the living room carpet. She ran to the bathroom, lifted the toilet seat in the upright position, sat herself on the floor and hovered over the bowl with her arms wrapped tightly around the rim as she stared at the reflection of herself in the water. Rylie, a curious and concerned baby sister walked over there with the sweetest face ever, put one hand on the back of her older sister and the other hand on the lifted toilet seat lid, for a tiny moment, I smiled thinking how wonderful a child I had raised to feel empathy when one of the others is in need. As my arms began to cross and my smile became what I thought to be a sweet memory I would share with both of them later in life, Rylie took the hand on the lid and with forces I never knew a child could possess, slammed the toilet lid on Bryannas face.
OH MY GOD! I froze. Being the non-panicky mother that I am, I wasn’t sure if I should grab Rylie before she bolted, tend to the child with her head in the toilet, or fall to my knees in laughter at the sight of the whole thing. I chose the second option and tended to Bryanna. At first glance you would have thought the child had severe head trauma, blood all over her face and the bathroom. The water stained pink as drops of blood fell from the bridge of her nose. I felt so bad that I ever thought about laughing, but once we cleaned her up and saw that it was a cut the width of a pinky nail, the tears subsided for Bryanna and the laughter kicked in. That lasted all of about a few minutes when she began to get the “thinking face” .She looked at me with embarrassment and asked,
“How do I explain that I got my FACE slammed in the toilet”?
My husband thought it was cute to tell her that if someone asks, say Mommy punched you. Sick humor I tell you! It's all around me! I didn't stand a chance.

A RE-POST: The Morning Arguing

When you have children, you realize that everything can start a war. Bryanna could have "accidentally" bumped Lauren on her way to the bathroom. Then Lauren could have "accidentally" tripped her on her way back to her room. Rylie also could have "accidentally" punched Bryanna in the stomach while passing her in the kitchen and "accidentally" poured Lauren's chocolate milk down the sink. Although Rylie gets them confused and claims it was "on purpose" .... or does she????
I was done!!! I called them all into the living room and gave them new rules on arguing and screaming at each other. I did the whole pace back and forth a few times to really let them know I meant business. I said, “ I can’t handle all of this fighting anymore. From now on, if you are going to argue or fight with each other, you must do it in a foreign accent”. Now, you might be thinking, how the heck do they know what that means? Well, I am a bit of a character when it is within the walls of my house. I love doing voices, and accents. The girls think its funny and often try to mimic me. So Bryanna and Lauren got up and went back to getting ready. About 2 minutes had passed with complete silence and then it started. In the best English accent I could muster up, I loudly reminded them of the new rule. Bryanna rolled her eyes into the back of her head and gave me this gargling-grunting UUUGGGGHHHH sound. She tried to walk away, but being a drama princess (we haven’t quite graduated to queen just yet) she couldn’t resist letting Lauren have the last word. She cleared her throat of any pride and started to put words together. Bryannas scowl quickly turned into a smile as she tried to yell at Lauren in a French/British/Australian accent. We all laughed at the sight of Bryanna trying her hardest to complete a sentence while marching towards Lauren. At the end of her rant, Lauren stood her 'quick sand' ground and screamed in this Mexican/Russian sort of dog barking thing. She may have wet herself a bit from laughing so hard. I know I did.
So, the morning battle ended in a clear victory for some foreign country not yet discovered. As for Rylie , well she was still confused at the fact I told them they could argue, scream and fight. Nothing else got through after she heard that. She was still wandering around the house trying to figure out what “foreign object” to throw at the girls.
Accent Rylie!…. Accent!!

A Run on sentence of complaints

As mothers we often take bits and pieces of really good ideas and try to make them fit where we need it. The problem is it never does fit. Well sure, it could be that we never really caught the "How to raise your children" television program from beginning to end, but that has nothing to do with it. Does it? Why do they have parenting books? If your child is old enough to read, give it to them and say, “Here… read this, I expect you to behave the way this book tells you to”. Mothers already have so many jobs. I know it may seem like I am complaining. That’s because I am. If a husband has the right to complain about work, or his bad golf game, or having to mow the lawn, and the kids can complain about how unfair moms are, why their sisters get more ice cream than they do and how “Felicia’s mom lets her do that”, then I as a mother and a wife reserve the right to complain about everything else. After all, we gave birth to the little monsters AND married their leader.

A RE-POST: A Daily Thought

Most of the time, we give in to our children’s tantrums to make other peoples lives easier. I love my kids and can handle their outbursts. I am ignoring them for a reason; do not look at them like you are sorry I am their mother. Look at me like you are sorry they are my children.

A NOTE FROM VALERI:

Hello everyone! Some of you have been following along with me for a while now through Myspace and Facebook. Thank you so much for following me here! I will be re-posting some old favorites for our "newbies" but will also post new stuff for my loyals!

Thank you!! As always, I love comments.

A RE-POST: A Holiday Story (2008)

As a parent I love watching my kids get excited for Christmas morning. And c’mon, who are we kidding… the bribery that comes along with Christmas…LOOOOOVE IT! It’s a pleasure having something to hold over my kid’s heads. A threat of Santa not stopping at our house is enough to buy me at least 30 minutes of quiet time here and there. And I really do love the fact that every year my little brother dresses up like Santa Clause with a tapeworm. He walks around the yard for a few minutes to really bring that “GET YOUR BUTT TO BED” plea. So, this weekend we put up Christmas lights around the outside of the house. We carefully placed our moving reindeer in the yard and anchored down the spiral Christmas tree in the decorative rocks. It was fun to watch the girls draw Holiday Greetings in chalk all over the driveway and on the sidewalk. It was equally as sad to watch the sprinkles of rain come and ruin the masterpieces they had just finished. We packed everything up, stored it back in the garage and lit up the lights. Well, most of the lights anyway. It never fails. I plugged them all in before Eric climbed up the ladder of death to string them along the tall peaks of the house. I KNOW they all worked. Every last one of them WORKED!! Up at the top, the icicle lights hung so pretty. He was irritated and said it would get done tomorrow. Umm. No. So here I go. Since I am about oh…. A foot and a half shorter than Eric, I actually had to climb to the very top rung. I replace 2 broken bulbs that were NOT there before, put the ladder back in the garage and stepped back to admire. What the hell? Now there is another portion that doesn’t work. I feel as if there is some Christmas Light Fairy laughing at me.I am such a visual person that I can actually see this little elf-like fairy with his mini sling shot taking out my bulbs. I shake the crazy out of my head and continue on. This time it wasn’t as high up. Again? Where are these broken bulbs coming from. Okay… we are good now. All the lights work on the front peak. I put the ladder BACK in the garage. Step back. Are you kidding me? Above the front porch! Forget it. Eric can do it another day. So we have a break in the flow. The lights are imperfect. Goes with the theme. I just noticed that the moving reindeer has a broken neck. He is thrashing around like a hunter just shot him.I am trying to maneuver his stick body to get the head back where its suppose to be but my clouded by the "psycho light fairy" judgement, I forget to unplug him first and go about a good, oh, 10 minutes before I realize that the back of his body WILL stop moving enough for me to mount his head if I just unplug the "soon to be tamale meat" reindeer!! Okay….. He’s fixed and I am done. In the house I go.... and a light wind…..the spiral tree is down for the count. I often wonder if things like this happen to everyone. Eric has this amazing ability to just walk away. He leaves it for another day and all is well in the world. ME? Well, it has to be done right then and there. I usually only give up at breaking point. All is NOT well in my world. So I wrapped up my Sunday telling the kids to leave the Advent alone! Don’t touch the soldier boy! Rylie! Those cranberries are decoration not food! No Rylie… you cannot open the tiny presents on the table… its decoration! I have NO IDEA where the stuffed Santa is! Rylie…. Did you open all of these little presents and then crumble all of the Styrofoam? I AM TAKING ALL OF THE DECORATIONS DOWN TOMORROW!!!!!... and the excitment of Christmas is done.....I think the Advent is for me. I can countdown the days of holiday chaos and look forward to normal everyday chaos. Chat with you soon!

A RE-POST: A Daily Thought

My life is full of wonderful, crazy, pull your hair out moments that will only be funny when the kids move out of the house and I have changed the locks. As a mother, one of those moments in which you smile and say, "now you'll understand", only happens when you are in the delivery room with your daughter awaiting the arrival of your best revenge EVER.

The chocolateless doughnut

Life is so much more dramatic in my house. I often rub my forehead and wonder what the future holds. Many of my days are still filled with screaming and yelling. I imagine my neighbors have no idea that Lauren is having the biggest meltdown of her life because she has to eat the doughnut without chocolate on it. And then the meltdown will continue because after she ate the doughnut, Rylie told her the reason it had no chocolate on it was because she just licked it off. News like that just doesn’t sit well with Lauren. She immediately starts to gag as Rylie lets out a laugh that got her in to trouble just hours before with Bryanna. Rylie has finally realized that to be in this family and survive, you must learn to run fast and know where mom is at all times. I am home base. It’s a game the girls will never stop playing. It resolves itself by Lauren yelling at Rylie that she is gross and disgusting and Rylie hiding behind me pointing her finger and giggling. Lauren turns around, let's out a grunt and stomps to her room and slams the door. All was well for a few hours and then Rylie reminded Lauren about the chocolate adding it was delicious. Rylie looks so cute and innocent doesn't she? Ha! Don't worry... she has many people fooled. But not me! I must try to stay one step behind her. Yes.. I said behind. How much fun would it be to read all of these if I stopped her before the fun started. I know.... very twisted. Enjoy!!!

A Tidbit from: A Mother's Guide to the Perfect Insanity Chapter I

All in all I love being a mother, but sometimes it is just too hard to contain myself. Sometimes I want to tie their grubby hands together, put them in the corner and squirt them with cold water. They never listen, they always whine and nothing you tell them sticks the first time. I always thought I was a good kid. I am now beginning to believe my behavior as a child is coming back and slapping me right in the face through my own kids. You have all these doctors telling us how to raise healthy obedient children. Well, I say they are probably right. I am almost certain they are right, but if I had time to sit and read I think it might be much more fun to read a book that points out that being a mom can be fun to the point of laughing so hard you wet your pants. I want to read a sentence and smile at the page knowing full well, that is EXACTLY how I think.I want a book that breaks it down. A book that comes with focus pages for those times you feel like throwing rotten tomatoes at your children. Frustration isn’t a word. It’s a way of life. I believe with all my heart you cannot write a book that will ever come close to what really goes on behind those closed doors with dirty hand prints all over them. We need products out there that really can be put to use. For instance SHHHHHH Tape. This would be a strong adhesive that you could slap on your child’s mouth when you need that peace and quiet. What do you mean cruel? We can have Cartoon characters on the front, and make the sticky part fruit flavored. I am all for that